- Clearly Misunderstood
- Exact Estimate
- Small Crowd
- Act Natural
- Found Missing
- Fully Empty
- Original Copy
And the most hilarious: Happily Married
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
April 09, 2010
Funny Oxymorons
Bloggers, got this SMS about oxymorons. Worth the share! Enjoy!!!
January 25, 2010
Know Your Customers
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?" The salesman explained "When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...
First poster:
A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed. And Then these posters were pasted all over the place "Then that should have worked!" said the friend. "The hell it should had!? said the salesman. didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"
First poster:
A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed. And Then these posters were pasted all over the place "Then that should have worked!" said the friend. "The hell it should had!? said the salesman. didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"
LAW OF GARBAGE
One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport . We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches. The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly.
So I asked
"Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, The Law of the Garbage Truck.
He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't.'
Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT! If it changes your life, LET IT! Nobody said it would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it!"
A very rightly said quote: Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!!!!
So I asked
"Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, The Law of the Garbage Truck.
He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't.'
Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT! If it changes your life, LET IT! Nobody said it would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it!"
A very rightly said quote: Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!!!!
21 Rules for a Happy Life
ONE- Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO-Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, t heir
conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE- Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR-When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE- When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX-Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN-Believe in love at first sight..
EIGHT-Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams
don't have much.
NINE-Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the
only way to live life completely.
TEN-In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN-Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE-Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN-When someone asks you a question you don't want to
answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN-Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN-Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN-When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN-Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for
others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN-Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN-When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps
to correct it.
TWENTY-Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE:Spend some time alone.
TWO-Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, t heir
conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE- Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR-When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE- When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX-Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN-Believe in love at first sight..
EIGHT-Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams
don't have much.
NINE-Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the
only way to live life completely.
TEN-In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN-Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE-Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN-When someone asks you a question you don't want to
answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN-Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN-Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN-When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN-Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for
others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN-Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN-When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps
to correct it.
TWENTY-Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE:Spend some time alone.
December 19, 2009
Logic Always Works
This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:
"This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it Is a fact that we have a tradition in our family we have Ice-Cream for dessert after
dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact
that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.
You see,every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds"
"What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?"
The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine
neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinnertime, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla icecream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The Engineer returned for three more nights.
The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. Now the Engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor.
Why?
The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store
at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.
Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!
The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapour lock". It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapour lock to dissipate.
Remember : Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution with cool thinking. What really matters is your attitude and your perception.
The Race for Perfection has no Finish Line......
"This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it Is a fact that we have a tradition in our family we have Ice-Cream for dessert after
dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact
that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.
You see,every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds"
"What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?"
The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine
neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinnertime, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla icecream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The Engineer returned for three more nights.
The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. Now the Engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor.
Why?
The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store
at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.
Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!
The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapour lock". It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapour lock to dissipate.
Remember : Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution with cool thinking. What really matters is your attitude and your perception.
The Race for Perfection has no Finish Line......
Grandfather - Story
Grandfather
A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they hat taken all his hats.
The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his head.
The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same.
Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same.
An idea came to his mind.
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too.
So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.
One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest.
It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.
He remembered his grandfather' s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather' s idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said.
"You think only you have a grandfather"
A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they hat taken all his hats.
The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his head.
The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same.
Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same.
An idea came to his mind.
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too.
So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.
One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest.
It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.
He remembered his grandfather' s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather' s idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said.
"You think only you have a grandfather"
Husband Vs Wife
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************ ********* ********* *********
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
************ ********* ********* *********
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
LOL!!!
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************ ********* ********* *********
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
************ ********* ********* *********
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
LOL!!!
November 28, 2009
Intelligent thinking
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. .........
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. .........
Governance System - FUNNY
As a daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.
Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "
"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?".
That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.
Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".
Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"
Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "
"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?".
That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.
Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".
Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"
If Columbus had been married
If Columbus had been married,
he might never have discovered
America, because he would have had to answer all the following questions:
· Where are you going?
· With whom?
· Why?
· How are you going?
· To discover what?
· Why only you?
· What do I do when you are not here?
· Can I come with you?
· When will you be back?
· Would you have dinner at home?
· What would you bring for me?
· You deliberately made this plan without me, didnt you?
· You seem to be making a lot of these programs lately...
· Answer me why?
· I want to go to my mothers house.
· I want you to drop me there.
· I dont want to come back ever!
· What do you mean, OK?
· Why arent you stopping me?
· I dont understand what this whole discovery thing is about.
· You always do things like this.
· Last time you also did the same thing!
· Nowadays you always seem to do this kind of stuff.
· I still dont understand what else is left to be discovered!
he might never have discovered
America, because he would have had to answer all the following questions:
· Where are you going?
· With whom?
· Why?
· How are you going?
· To discover what?
· Why only you?
· What do I do when you are not here?
· Can I come with you?
· When will you be back?
· Would you have dinner at home?
· What would you bring for me?
· You deliberately made this plan without me, didnt you?
· You seem to be making a lot of these programs lately...
· Answer me why?
· I want to go to my mothers house.
· I want you to drop me there.
· I dont want to come back ever!
· What do you mean, OK?
· Why arent you stopping me?
· I dont understand what this whole discovery thing is about.
· You always do things like this.
· Last time you also did the same thing!
· Nowadays you always seem to do this kind of stuff.
· I still dont understand what else is left to be discovered!
Working On A Project
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of
the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living
room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings
onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful
Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing
to the client / customer / wife / anyone...!!!
the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living
room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings
onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful
Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing
to the client / customer / wife / anyone...!!!
21 st Century
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
Funny Story
It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.
To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything . " Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought
"What an Awesome Reply man!"
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.
To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything . " Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought
"What an Awesome Reply man!"
November 20, 2009
Funny Story
On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company
noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
"How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed
that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month,
Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet
and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies to everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,"Who's the young man
I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"
noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
"How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed
that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month,
Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet
and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies to everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,"Who's the young man
I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"
November 07, 2009
You asked for it
A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a cab in New York City ..
It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings..
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy!
They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"They become cab drivers," she said.
It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings..
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy!
They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"They become cab drivers," she said.
November 06, 2009
Wife Vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
September 11, 2009
Economics 101(LOL)
It is the month of August, on the shores of the
Black Sea. It is raining, and the
little town looks totally deserted. It is tough
times,everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on
credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He
enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception
counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to
choose one. The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and
runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs
to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his
debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel. The supplier of
feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his
debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times,
gave her "services" on credit. The hooker runs to
the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to
the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that
she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro
note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not
suspect anything. At that moment, the tourist comes down
after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note,
after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and
leaves town. No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now without
debt, and looks to the future with a lot of
optimism.....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the
United States is doing business today.
Black Sea. It is raining, and the
little town looks totally deserted. It is tough
times,everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on
credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He
enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception
counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to
choose one. The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and
runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs
to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his
debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel. The supplier of
feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his
debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times,
gave her "services" on credit. The hooker runs to
the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to
the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that
she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro
note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not
suspect anything. At that moment, the tourist comes down
after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note,
after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and
leaves town. No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now without
debt, and looks to the future with a lot of
optimism.....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the
United States is doing business today.
August 26, 2009
Meaning of color and your Birthday
Meaning of color and your Birthday
This is fun so see what happens, but do not cheat...
Don't cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good.. Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating! The answers are at the bottom.
1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow ?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?
8. Do you like swimming;lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)
Answers
1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down..
2. If your initi al is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good..
3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change...
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. This person is your best friend.
6 This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person
8. If you chose:
Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
9. This wish will come true only if you send this to five people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday!
This is fun so see what happens, but do not cheat...
Don't cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good.. Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating! The answers are at the bottom.
1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow ?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?
8. Do you like swimming;lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)
Answers
1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down..
2. If your initi al is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good..
3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change...
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. This person is your best friend.
6 This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person
8. If you chose:
Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
9. This wish will come true only if you send this to five people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday!
Father Never Lies
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest
beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course you may. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over
the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is
there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your
robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie..'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs,the young lady let the priest go ahead of her.
The Customs Officer asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
which is, till date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, 'God bless you, Father, go
ahead.'
"So never lie.. but Use your mind"
beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course you may. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over
the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is
there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your
robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie..'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs,the young lady let the priest go ahead of her.
The Customs Officer asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
which is, till date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, 'God bless you, Father, go
ahead.'
"So never lie.. but Use your mind"
Customer Satisfaction
Isnt this what we would like to listen from our customers.Please read on:
A little boy went into a retail store and requested the owner for a Phone Call.
The manager replied - Sweety this is not a STD, but you can make one call.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Madam, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in the town."
Again the woman answered in the negative.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said," Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No sir, thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"
A little boy went into a retail store and requested the owner for a Phone Call.
The manager replied - Sweety this is not a STD, but you can make one call.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Madam, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in the town."
Again the woman answered in the negative.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said," Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No sir, thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"
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